If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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