Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i think my cat just said my name.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
