Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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