tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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