I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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