another moral hangover. fuck.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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