I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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