your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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