We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will pee on everything he values.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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