How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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