Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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