apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
