I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
