I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
