I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
