She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
