can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
