i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pants are for mortals
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
