The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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