I'm going to jail i love you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
