Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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