who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
