She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
