So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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