Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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