yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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