Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.