Dude i fell asleep inside of her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.