the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear