If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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