Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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