My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
