it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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