Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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