I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
