I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize