So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
