Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
