Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize