super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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