My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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