Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
