If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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