Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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