i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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