I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
