i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
