i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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