Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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