Dual....:-)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
now i know why i became what i already was.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
