all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
