Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
