You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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