he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
