That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
