I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
