We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
