you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
