Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
