Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize