I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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