you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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