So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
