Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
