I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
