it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
