Please, let me fuck your mom
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
