she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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