I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
