im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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