3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
