I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
