I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
