I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
