What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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