I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
